Halloween Baby... Very Ironic

My "lil punkin" came on Halloween. This day couldnt have been more ironic. I believe God created this child with a plan a purpose a destiny and she would bring joy comfort and peace to many. She has already brought my family together, my friends, my relationships, and brought out the evil one's true colors. We are yet to see what happens to him. Yet to see his sin unfold before his family and friends. He is struggling to keep the secret but all truth will be brought to light.

Halloween 2008.

We had just started to see each other. the first time we hung out he met me at a bar where i was seeing a band i knew play. The would let me sing. I drank so much that night he had to drive me home. I will never forget it. the guitarist wanted to hook up with me as well as douchebag, whom i then endearingly called, "muffn man" He drove me home and walked me upstairs. The room was spinning. He kissed me and I knew he wanted to have sex with me but I wouldnt let him. Because a. the room was spinning! and b. the guitarist was going to come over in a very short while. (Like 30 minutes) So i pushed hiom away and told him I wasnt feeling well and he knew it was because the guitarist was coming over. My phone was ringing. This was in Spetmeber.

The next time we hung out was Halloween. A coworker of ours, one we both liked very much because she was so sweet... who by the way left very shortly after because it is very hard to survive in that hell hole... was having her birthday party. Her birthday was Halloween. We planned to go see her at this club about 30 minutes away. I had just done my hair and got dressed when he came over. I then started to apply my heavy make up (smoky eyes and black liner) because after all, it was Halloween and we didnt have costumes. I remember we began to make out and things got hot and heavy. I debated with him if we should stay in or go out. I wanted to go out with him and be able to hang out as a "couple" and have fun, but I also wanted to get closer to him physically. so we decided to stay in. I even remember exactly how the sex went. I didnt like the way he kissed me because you can always tell how a man feels about you by the way he kisses you.  If any men are reading this, do you know a woman can tell exactly how you feel when you kiss her? Anyway, I told him to kiss me like he was trying to tell me something. "don't just stick your tongue in my mouth all horny and revved up to go, kiss me like you want me to know something. Like you have something to say and you are expressing it through your kisses" Well that didn't happen for about a month. And as time went on, I could feel the love he had for me from deep inside through his kisses. I remember when he was coming close to cumming i told him to cum on my face. lol. It was something I had only done once and I liked it. And douchbag was safe. I knew it would blow his mind and he would be game since he was a bored married man whose sex consisted of him getting off to a dead fish who had no interest in sex. I told him to jerk off in my face and cum on my face. I remember it was one of the hottest things I had done. I only and a couple lovers who would do things like that. And i felt very comfortable with each. He was all excited and I remember thinking "This is going to be fun to be freaky with him. He's up for anything and is excited to do all of it" And that it was. All of it. Everything was great. As long as it was on his terms and he stayed in control of when we saw each other and how much he would choose to invest homself into it. I'm sure he's regreting ever falling for me.
But the very day he chose to break his covenant with his wife, to betray her, was Halloween 2008. Anytime he would mention to me or anyone else when he considered us starting this so-called relationship was Halloween. He would always say, "well, Halloween is when we first started "dating" or some version of that. well isnt it ironic that exactly 3 years later your daughter was born? So now every year for the rest of his life, Halloween will come around and "haunt" him as he is reminded what a horrible person he is. I could imagine his thoughts are " I hurt my wife, I hurt my kids, I regret ever meeting her, she ruined my life, I'll never be able to afford child support, I pray she isnt mine." oh well... she is. She has his dimples. and feet. the rest is all me.

Pretty funny she was birn then huh? If it had been a random date like Oct 23 or 28, he could put it ot of his mind, but this way, he will NEVER FORGET! Sadly, he chooses to create his own hell. He could have done the honorable thing but I dont think he is capable of being hinrable about anything.

I was looking at the baby's picture and comparing it to his and all of a sudden I got a whiff of his smell in my mind. Suddenly I missed him and started to cry. I miss the past. Not him now. Now I just wish he would be civil and go to a DNA center with me instead of ignoring it and making it worse. He is in his own hell and wants to throw it oonto me. As much as I have thought about his stupid thoughts or missing him etc, I thought about the one he is hurting the most with his abandoning and rejection. My daughter. well, all three of his daughters. His 2 older ones will be hurt by his adultery and the little one, by his ultimate rejection. Unless he cant live with himself any longer and has to acknowledge her. We shall see.

In the meantime he is refusing to do a paternity test until I take the baby which pisses me off because i am absolutely not paying for it. He wants it, he can pay. I am waiting to hear from my lawyer. Maybe the court will order it and make him pay. Fuckin bullshit. He is an ASSHOLE! He is a child who has to play games and try to make me "pay" for "ruining his life" Fuck him.
anyway here are a couple more pictures. I am in love with this perfect little angel. Best abby ever. Content, sweet, cuddly, perfect.

RACHEL FRANCES
October 31, 2011
8 lbs 11 ounces (I pushed her out in 12 minutes...)
21 1/4 inches long

a week old

one day old

also one day old

another letter from the lawyer

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He makes me sick to my stomach

How do you write and say and do such wonderful things to someone you are in love with and turn around and side with your wife, and hate me and turn other people on me to hate me as well? I dont get it. His lawyer he got after my lawyer sent him the letter, is the fucking brother of the fat bitch who tried to get me fired at work! His new little girlfriend. His wife is so stupid too. I want to send her the letters and cards he wrote me and the jewelry he sent me and say "you must be the stupidest person. Do you really believe his lies? You think I just pinned a pregnancy on him? Do you not know that he made me have an abortion last year? And that he told me he wanted a trial separation from you to be with me? And that he feels trapped with you??? Why dont read the stuff he wrote me before you judge me and side with that pathetic lying cheater you have for a husband??? You are pathetic!"  I cant even tell you how much I despise them both. And these other losers who want to hate me when they don't know me either.

And all this time i have said how i feel bad for him and worry about him? He not only went to Vegas for a long weekend, but got a new BMW? Seriously??? UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please GOD let his evil ways come back on him! Please God, bring life to your words when you said "vengeance is mine, saith the Lord!"  Let him get burned with his own fire and be my shield. Protect me when he tries to throw his evil daggers at me for greater is He that is in me than that weasel that's in the world!

He honestly scares me. He is filled with so much evil, rage, and hatred towards me, I have never felt hated by anyone before in my life. I was depressed all day because of it. I was nervous, couldnt sleep, and preoccupied all day. I hate him so much. And tomorrow I have to go back into the hell hole which i DESPISE for another brutal miserable week with all  the fucking assholes who think they are more important than anyone else! GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

the letter has been sent

i haven't had time to sit and write, but basically last week this bitch client of his who is his friend, who had called me at work in march to tell me i am ruining his life and how i should get a abortion, wrote me and him an email basically trying to accuse me to doing things i did not do, and trying to sabotage me at work and get me fired. so i went to management and explained who she was and how she had ulterior motives. i had had enough of his games!!! i finally called the lawyer. and he sent him a letter that i know he is probably freeeaking out about. i was so sick last night and today with anxiety from it. i just feel so bad about everything even though i know this is his own fault and he made it a war, i still feel bad and worry about him like crazy. here is the letter:

dear mr. douchebag,

please be advised that i represent c. my client has informed me that she is expecting a baby this fall and that you are the father. please call me to make arrangements for you to pay your share of her medical expenses not covered by insurance and for you to pay child support. if i do not hear from you by July 15th, 2011, i will seek the appropriate assistance from the court and i will request that the court require you to pay my client's attorneys fees. if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. thank you for your cooperation.

very truly yours, the ruthless lawyer.

he has to be freaking out and furious at me!!!!