paternity test

I took the paternity with the baby last Friday. He agreed to pay for it on the grounds that if it was proven she is not his, I will pay him back. I agreed to do that because i am certain she is his. He is not only paying for the test, but for the guy to come to me and him. so stupid. whatever.


we will know by this friday. well, i already know. it will just be confirmed. then he will have to pay a hell of a lo of moey. for anyone who is reading this that has been reading for a while should know how i felt about him. and how much i loved the idiot. it really broke my heart how e reacted. i completely understand his point of view though. i know he is the one who is devastated here. he has to pay money he cant afford, had to tell his widfe, eventually his family and friends and daughters will find out. and i know everyone reminds me how horrible he as to me but as usual i put his feelings before mine. i hate to see him suffering. and everyone tells me hes not suffering and to NOT feel sorry for him but how do you stop worrying or caring about someone you were so in love with? i mean its not like i want to make him happy anymore. i just dont want him to suffer. and live in his own hell paying for his mistakes. i hope he can find a way to get through this and his stupid wife if she wants to support him, helps him get through it.

i wonder if he will want to be involved in her life. i think so. eventually. i also wonder how long his wife will stay with him. i hope she does actually. but i am definitely afraid of them trying to take custody of my baby. that scares me. that thought just reminded me why i friggin hated him. and how stupid i am to feel sorry for him! i wouldnt put anyhting past him. he doesnt care about me or think about me and yet again here i am like acomplete moron worrying about his stupid ass! STOP!!!!!!!! JUST STOP FEELING SORRY FOR HIM! how can I amke myself STOP feeling fucking bad for him???

anyway i start work tomorrow. i have to go back to the hell hole. im praying i find a nanny job soon so i can be with my baby. at least for the next year or two. it will all work out the way its supposed to. i would love to post a picture of my beautiful baby but shes way too gorgeous. now im paranoid someone would try to steal her.

2012 will be a much better year. douchebag will be forced to help me financially, i plan on moving in with the bf who remember was my best friend and has been there for me this whole time, and i hope to get a new job. i can finally be happy. imagine that. unless the asshole continues to try and make me "pay" for his misery and HIS mistakes.

ill post when the paternity test results come back.