Dreams

So the last 2 nights I had dreams about MM/DB. Two nights ago was a nightmare. I dreampt that he got majorly hurt 3 times. The first was a burn on his back, but it was his whole back and top of his butt. It was a serious burn though. Looking up what getting burned means:  indicates that you are experiencing some intense emotions and/or passionate sexual feelings. There is some situation or issue that you can no longer avoid and ignore. Alternatively, it may suggest that you need to take time off for yourself and relax. Perhaps you are you feeling "burned out" or "burned up".I saw how bad his back was burned when he turned his back on me and walked away. And that means: To see a person turn their back on you, signifies that you will be deeply hurt. The second time I cant remember other than something happened to his butt again to misshape it. And the third time he and I were up really high on some kind of beam over a pool. He was  arguing with me and I was pleading with him to stop hating me and let me help him. But he kept running his mouth and saying words filled with anger and he was walkin backwards. I was trying to tell him to be careful that he was too close to the ege, but he wouldnt stop yelling at me to hear my warnings and he slipped and fell far down into a pool but he smacked the water on the pool and it misshaped his butt even more. He barely got out by the time I ran down to him. He was crying and I was hugging him. All I wanted to do was take care of him. But he refused me. He was too weak to speak and just cried but he managed to express somehow either by words or actions that he didnt want me around. I was not only heart broken but worried more than ever about him. This dream haunted me all day.


Mishsapes buttocks means: To dream that your buttocks are misshaped, suggest undeveloped or wounded aspects of your psyche. To fall: To dream that you fall and are frightened, indicates a lack of control, insecurity, and/or lack of support in your waking life. You may be experiencing some major struggle and/or overwhelming problem.  The meaning of seeing him cry is very interesting:
To see someone else crying in your dream, may be a projection of your own feelings onto someone else. If you do not cry in your waking life, then seeing someone else cry may be a little easier to deal with then seeing yourself cry.

hmm... really? I am projecting my own feelings on him? Maybe. It would be regret and sadness that it turned out this way. Maybe I wish he would be upset ab US and not just his own life and his family. And that upsets me that he doesnt care about me the way I care about him. But how about the rest of the dream? Pretty damn accurate. I KNOW he is experiencing all those emotions.

Last nights dream was a dream where I was still in his life and he was nice to me. Well, I ean he let me back in after all this. I was at his house and he was telling me how unhappy he was and how bad his marriage had become but then I saw on the TV, his wife with his mother and sister all sitting at a Yankees game together having a great time laughing and smiling. He was supposed to join them. So I guess he decieved me again in that dream. Making me think he's doing so bad but really it was ok. Making me think his marriage was bad but really they were fine. Kind of like our whole relationship was. He made me think he would be with me but really had no intentions of ever leaving her. It was really sad. Maybe God is telling me: "he does not care about you the way you want him to. He is very angry, doesnt want your help, and is drowning in his own guilt and anguish. He has no inentions of leaving his wife so dont trust him."

I cant get over him. I cant stop loving him, and I cant stop worrying about him and caring about him. I know I probably shouldnt care about him but I do. If you ever read this blog when I talked about how I felt about him and saw the depth of love I had for him, you'd understand how I feel now. Now I wonder if it was all a waste. Well, maybe not. My baby girl will change my life and we never know what will happen in the future. Maybe he needed something like this to get him out of a miserable situation. Not saying he will be with me but he will be away from his miserable life and start a new one.  Maybe not. Maybe his wif will finally realize he is NOT HAPPY! DO SOMETHING!!! Anyway these are the things on my mind today. My baby kicks so much she wakes me up numerous times throughout the night and this morning at 6am. I dont mind though because I am constantly reminded how many women will do anything to get pregnant and still cant get pregnant. I am truly blessed and I am enjoying every minute of it! Plus, I am in love with the sweety.
Happy Independence Day!  I am so happy to be single and independant!!!