So I figured the best and only option in this scenario is to love him enough to let him go. As painful as it will be I have to let him go. It pisses me off when i try to and he runs back to me and sucks me back in but I have to be strong enough to resist him and his captivating eyes. his eyes are amazing. When you look into them especially when hes standing outside and the sunlight hits them, they look like tropical waters. This color:
I need the strength to resist him! He causes me too much pain! Luckily I met someone else who I have become friends with and I think I will pursue him more and let the muffin man go. I have done nothing but love him and pour my heart and life into him. For nothing! For an abortion that went against my beliefs and still haunts me to this day! I still think about it all the time. "How many months would I be now? How big would my stomach be?" It will forever haunt me. And I was naive to think he'd actually man up to it but he didnt. He'll never stand up for what he wants. It hurts me to think one day he may look back at his life and be miserable at his choices and regret a lot. I dont want to live in regret and I always made it a point to never do anything I'd regret. And that abortion ruined it for me. But no more. Im done with this shit. Time to move on.
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Have you heard of the term short term pain for long term gain?
I thought of that when I read your post. Yes, you're going to suffer a lot of short term pain if you leave him. But you will have a lot of long term gain.
Yes, it is going to be terribly difficult to break up with him. You're going to have to be stronger than you think you can be when he tries to suck you back in. You will cry your eyes out and feel your heart has been ripped out and you will feel oh, so lonely.
By day by day, things will start to get better. And think a year, two years, five years and 10 years from now. If you stay with him, you have more of the same.
If you break up, you get the long term gain. You can start looking for a man who has no entanglements and wants to be with you Friday and Saturday nights and all the holidays. You hinted you may have even found a better option already.
So I just want to wish you good luck. Even if he left his wife, you would feel the guilt you mentioned and wonder if he'd cheat on you like he cheated on her. And, sorry about the abortion. I can imagine that's difficult to deal with, too.
So I just want to give you a lot of cyber hugs, wish you the best. Try to dry your eyes and move on. Think of the long term gain. Good luck. And I hope you don't mind my two cents worth. I know you don't want negativity. I just tried to be real.
And have you cosnidered therapy. Does your insurance at work pay for it? You could probably use some help in dealing with all of this.
FD
thanks Dom. yeah i do go to therapy. she said I've cried over him long enough now. and you pretty much said what i was saying. the short term pain is better than long term pain and i will have long term gain. i will try to recite this to myself every day!
Sometimes I still cry over what I lost, but I gained a friend.
And I truly wish for you to find someone to spend your Fridays and Saturdays. And most of all, to be able to wake up next to him, rather than give him up before midnight rolls in.
You deserve happiness. Be strong!!
xoxo
SF
I understand all too well what you are going through. I feel short-term pain that feels eternal. EG cancelled our May trip last week and called our relationship off after 2 years back together. I know he was wanting me to do so and I drafted a breakup letter, but knew I could never send it. It's been a rough emotional 4 months. He did it via an email that started "Now I know how you felt when you wrote THAT letter to me all those years ago." (when I had to end the long distance relationship when I married) I knew something was off in Jan, but he continuously reassured me and had said I would always be first. He finally admitted that the relationship he had started at home "has become more serious and his conscience wouldn't allow him to meet me again although, even if this new relationship doesn't last, he finds it difficult to run his business and maintain a personal life". He "will always love me and every minute we have spent together since then will always be truly precious." That's it! I am crushed!I tell you all of this because you will hurt. I hurt so unbelieveably bad right now for this situation and how it's gone and how I have to pick up the pieces to my life and move on without him. I kidded myself that we could be happy when together and apart. This person is not who I fell in love with all over again. He gave up hope slowly, but circumstances are so different for us. In the end, he is still a man, trying to reassure me (like MM) to keep peace, but totally misled me and could have made this all easier had he been completely honest earlier. See where this new person takes you. You don't deserve to hurt and cry and neither do I. I will survive and this is one of life's greatest lessons for me. You cannot place your happiness in another...Good luck, best wishes and I am sorry this is so long. Go after that certification, too and try to find a job elsewhere. It would be impossible for me to see EG everyday after it ended. Don't you agree? EG
If he really does love you, rather than just view you as convenient, then he will not try to drag you back.
I am married, and I have a lover who is not. I care for her very, very much. And I know that there will come a time when she will want someone who is all hers.
When that times comes I will pretend it is perfectly alright with me, I will kiss her goodbye, and tell her to be happy.
That is how you treat someone you love.
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