the client event

Regarding my last post, I spoke to my therapist. She is wonderful. She told me that when I give love it comes back to me. and it may not come back from him, but it will come back from somewhere else and to NOT stop giving what's in my heart because it will come back.  Meanwhile it has, but from someone else. Also, in the meantime, mm's eyes have been opened to what I do for him and he went out and bought me the Audrey 100 book with a note that said "I DO listen, I DO appreciate you, and my life would never be the same if you didnt do what you do for me day in and day out" It meant a lot to me. Especially relating to work. He gave it to me at work and it was an appreciation for all the work I do for him. He went at 9:30 at night to get it because he knew I'd absolutely love it and did I ever!! Perfect gift.

 this is my favorite picture. I actually make this face when I'm with him. The biggest compliments I got from quite a few people at work and home was "you look like her! especially that one!"

There are 100 pictures of Audrey in here and I have a few in my house hanging up.  Very thoughtful gift. VERY.

So Thursday night we had a client appreciation event which was dinner and a play. The Lion in Winter. I got to do the entire thing. The caterer, the room, the tickets, the invites, etc. I had a great time. The best part was him letting his walls down. I gave him a glass of wine right away and said "drink up so I can take advantage of you!" LOL! I amuse myself. The best thing he said that night before the show started was "I cant hide that I'm just captivated by you" I said "what?" just so I could hear it again! then at the show I sat next to him and he was really sweet. Held my hand, gently caressed it with his fingers, etc. Told me the young girl, mistress, in the play reminded him of me because she just lived to make the King happy. Loved him with all her heart and even gave him his wine the way I gave mm his wine only an hour earlier.

Later we kissed in the hallway and in the room we rented as we got the leftovers, and had sex in the back of my new car. Had to christen it, ya know?

I started to feel a little weird as we had sex. I dont know if it was that i was physically ill, or if it was my emotions. I'm really scared that I am going to move on and by the time he realizes he wants me, I will be gone. I know I think about the future and the "what if's" too much and thats enough to make anyone sick. I even told him that night, "you WILL regret losing me"

thoughts anyone?