just read some old posts... and wow.

I just read some old posts, and I sound like the biggest loser! I have ZERO self worth and self esteem, I am totally pathetic, and all my posts hold so much PAIN and torment! What a loser I am to put up with this dead end love for so long! And I cant thank you all enough for being SO sweet to me and compassionate and wishing me joy and peace and love. If that were me reading someone else's blog I would have told them straight up how pathetic they sounded.

I really need to move on. The good thing is that when I read the old posts, it makes me feel better to know I really have lost some of my attachment and hope. I have given up and my heart has become distant. I was hanging on with the last thin strand knowing HE will regret losing me. But I honestly feel like its too late now.

I read the blog entry about the holiday cards and the labels... NOTHING HAS CHANGED! He is STILL making me do it and he is still sending out the bullshit "picture perfect family" card! The only thing that changed is that I said I'd make the cards and send them. I have given up.  I just wish I didnt have to work with him and see him every day. Thats what makes it hard to let go! If I didnt have to see him every day, forget it. He'd be history.

I will continue to remind myself through my old blogs how much pain he brings me. As I read them I just wanna get him out of my life! Like I am reading it as an outside person. I laugh at my patheticness. I think I should just give this guy a chance that loves me because he treats me right and is always looking for ways to make me happy. And it makes him happy when i say hi or email him or hug him or cuddle with him. He has no clue the animal I am in bed... I think he'll be pretty happy about it should I choose to stop being a loser!