is it true?

So i was on facebook last night and the guy i went to Vegas with instant messaged me with this "is it true?" i said "is what true?" (as if i didn't know)  "ur preggars?" i said "Yes, how the hell did you hear that?" "well i did a painting job at someone from your company's house and he told me."  "what town?" "$(^$(* $*^$(*^ area" "interesting. how did it come up?" "i saw his Opco badge and asked him if he worked there. he said, yes, do you know people there? i told him you and (douchebag) and he proceeded to tell me the gossip." "how much do you know?" "the baby has down syndrome possibly and that you had an abortion a year ago, etc" "what the fuck??? i told like 2 people about the bloodwork and for the record the baby is perfectly healthy! what the fuck is wring with people?" "i dunno but that's good to hear.  and Congratulations!" "thanks. so did this person also tell you how he harassed me so badly to get an abortion and when i refused he went psycho and they actually had to move him to another location?" "yes he told me all that." "interesting how this person knows every friggin detail of my life and couldnt wait to just blab it around" "well congratulations anyway!" "thanks!"


okay well... first of all, i asked all the assistants at work today who lives in that area. there are only 2 that we know of. one is our boss and would NEVER say that stuff. the other is an old gossiper who does nothing all day but walk around and chit chat with reluctant people who want to actually TRY AND WORK! So I'm sure its this guy. Second of all, I don't understand who has the audacity to tell random people our business! I mean, it's one thing to tell the juicy gossip of me being pregnant, but in my opinion it's another thing to cross that line and tell some random person about my bloodwork and the abortion etc!!! and how the fuck did he even know about the bloodwork? I told maybe 2 people that! Which means the people I thought were my friend are not. People just can't keep their big mouths shut! I have never seen gossip spread like this wildfire before. They may as well go public on the fuckin news with it! Does it make them happy to spread that? I can guarantee they never stop for a second and say to themselves, gee if someone did this to me how would i feel? Do I hate them that much to share their personal business to everyone and anyone without any thought about how it could hurt them or their families?

I cannot WAIT to get out of that job! I fuckin hate those people.  I bought a series 7 study guide, dvd, online classes, etc to help me study while i sit and stare at the wall.  I will use them to get my license and once December hits, I'm lookin for a new job. I'll work there for the last month after I come back, and I'm out of there. They can all gossip about someone else! Fuckin assholes. And as for sperm donor... he should be thankful he's in another location! I feel bad for him, but unfortunately he has been so horrendous to me, especially by trying to get me in trouble at work on top of everything, that I just have no compassion left for him anymore. Maybe a smidge... but it's all gone. All I can remember is the mean things he said to me, the blaming me, the time at the therapist when he yelled at "you will never be with me ever again!" It still rings in my ears. And that was when he thought he could still convince me of an abortion. That was the meanest thing he's ever said to me since knowing him. I just read some of his cards earlier. He said in one of them, that his tough exterior is just a cover-up for his true feelings. I'm sure that his hatred for me is a cover-up for his pain. I wonder if he still cares at all. I know he cares about his kids and how he has hurt them but I wonder how he feels about me.  Or how he will feel when my little baby is born. HIS baby. I wonder if he came and apologized and all that, and kissed me how I would feel. Would there be nothing left? Or would I still have an ounce of love and compassion for him?

Oh well. It'll never happen and I have to stop thinking about him. We're over. So sad. I'm sad. But its time to focus on studying the next 2 months and get it over with so I can move on.  And blogger won't let me comment on anyone's page without being anonymous. Just like Rafa had a hard time with. I wrote a long comment on a few blogs and each time i tried to post them, it deleted them! So I said fuck it. I'm done commenting!  Have a great weekend everyone!