This morning I woke up to a nightmare! I dreampt that I had a half black baby! And I realized it was alejandro's the dominican's! Then I started crying and saying "I ruined (D)'s life for a kid that's not even his!" And I also didn't want the baby. But I had to keep the baby because my daughter would be devastated if I didn't. I ran away crying and couldn't stop. I was saying "I can't go back to work! I can't let anyone see the baby!" It was awful. And my mom was there saying "I told you so" and I could not stop crying. Then I woke up.
Then I had to again remind myself, according to my due date, I would have gotten pregnant saturday jan 22nd. Not wed the 26th. And that saturday, douchebag came inside me. Along with all the other days we had sex. Except that wednesday. I THINK. I remember it was incredible and lasted a long time! And he even commented it was because he was meditating. Also, that sat and wed I begged him to fuck me. The ONLY time I ever beg him is when I am ovulating. I am out of control horny when I am ovulating! And esp that wed when I thought I did get pregnant which I probably and may have still gotten pregnant, I was so horny and I remember him just bangin me so hard I was sore later. I was most likely ovulating then too.
Therefore, I think I just have that shadow of a doubt in the back of my head like I did with that amnio. And everything was fine!!!
Someone came up to me at work yesterday and whispered, "are you making this douchebag pay for child support I hope?" I told him how I want him to have nothing to do with me or be in my life so I am seriously reconsidering. He replied with some advice similar to what I've been getting. To put all emotions aside, don't make a decision on those emotions and to put the best interest of the child first. The child needs and deserves to have their needs met. Reminds me of the blog readers' advice as well as my friends and family. I'm just really scared to go to court, I DON'T want him and his evilness around me or the baby, and I just want him out of my life forever. He still scares me!
On a brighter note, a woman who works in my building whom I walk in with every morning and ride the elevator with, asked me if I was pregnant. I guess I'm finally starting to show after 4 and a half months! In a week and half I'll be 5 months pregnant already! Yet only half way through. Seems like I'm moving along but I still have aaaall summer to get huge! Ugh!
Anyway thanks again for the comments. I wonder what ever happened to EG.
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About Me
- whaatamithinking
- In a nutshell... I am hopelessly in love with a married man. I'd do anything and everything to be with him. I DONT hate my job anymore! Still hate the people I work with. They are selfish, competitive, and backstabbers. I have a 15 year old daughter who has more drama than me. I have to keep it together at work and home but sometimes I just can't hold in the cry. This is why I get crazy thoughts in my head every day... Like I just wanna stand up and scream!!! I have 4 jobs and work very very hard for my money and I WILL be successful because I am determined.
4 comments:
Yeah, that dream would probably freak anyone the hell out.
It's EG. I've been following silently. I commend you for your choice and, personally, am glad it's a girl. I think it will be easier for you and I've always heard that a child's same-sex parent is the most important in their life. I am so sorry how this has all turned out, but am thankful that you are seeing the true MM, but I know it's difficult because you loved him. As for me, it's been a year since it ended with EG and it's been the toughest thing to get over/through, but I made it a year. There have been random emails and even 2 nice phone calls this year leaving future visits open, but it's painful. It's not the same and don't think I can do the part-time thing given our history. I'm finally rejoining my life, letting go and putting others first instead of me.
It's a daily process though. Those feelings are hard to supress. Enough of me, best wishes and hang in there. He needs to stop playing games and take responsibility. I think you should take him to court...
do your family and friends know you are pg yet?
Might be wise to announce it soon as you will staet to show ALOT more soon.
Hi EG! I thought you disappeared! I never minded you sharing your story. I remember someone was nasty to you about it. Thanks for commenting. Anon- my family knows and my friends. I just haven't announced it on fb to the more distant friends. Everyone at work knows and some people at church too but my sister and mother and uncle don't yet. I figured I'll tell them at 5 months. Which is in a week or so. I definitely have a noticable bump though. Can't really hide it.
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