Just got back from church. The lesson was about having a relationship with God and how he wants to be a part of our lives and all we have to do is ask him to be. And ask forgiveness of our sins. I remembered being 18, just graduated high school, with a baby, and my biggest moral and financial supporter, my dad, was moving to Costa Rica. I had no money, no job, nowhere to go but my mother's house whom I had resented my whole life for never being around, and now my favorite and closest person in the world was leaving me. I was a mess. If it hadn't been for going to church and learning that God really loved me and wanted to help me, I'd be dead today. Clearly we all know I have issues and I make stupid mistakes. I need to pray and ask God for help here.
I would like to tell you all I am truly grateful that I have you all to read and comment and not one of you seem to judge me. Clearly I feel bad about myself already, and this is an easy way to make me feel worse. So I just wanna say thank you for NOT making me feel that way. Even though most of you are anonymous and invisible to me.
I'm thinking I should look for a new job where I can get away from him. And if I do keep it, I dont want an audience and I dont want him to see me. I mean I sit right outside his office. I distract him as it is! I need to get away from him regardless. But is it bad to start a new job pregnant? I help him a great deal at work too. I actually helped him double his production last year, and I got a raise and he got a promotion. I'm thinking he will need my help again this year! But he will probably just spend more money on his kids. This is such a disaster. But I have to remember to meditate and seek guidance. From my dad, my grandma, God...
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6 comments:
i think you should stay and take his maternity leave
make him take some level of responsibility for what he has done. He needs to finally own up to all of this and do the right thing once in his life.
Why is this always your problem whilst he just goes about his double life and takes vacations etc. You look after yourself honey. You take what you are entitled toin the form of the mat leave.
first lesson: stop thinking about him and think for yourself for once. If you only do this once, make it now. You need to be healthily selfish starting NOW. It wont do you any good to keep looking after him an not yourself.
I hope you read and reread your last post, particularly the sentence that you were thinking he needs your help. It is time for him to give you some help. Like child support if you decide to have the baby. And women change jobs all the time when they're pregnant. I would advise you get a new job, start a new life and a lawyer to make sure you get child support. But that is just me. Only you know what is best for you. Do what you think is best.
FD
I just read up on the odds of getting pregnant from precum. 19% or something l;ike that. they said its so low that usually only extremely fertile women get pregnant. And it usually happens with couples who do NOT want to get pregnant, hence the pulling out, and therefor most likely ending in abortion. A friend of mine that I told (the only one I told) told me she thinks I subconsciously want to get pregnant to right the wrong of the last abortion. But i had an appointment for an IUD, he made sue he didnt cum inside me... I just cant believe it happened. This is why you dont lseep with people who are married!! ugh!
anyway FD- thank you. just need that voice in my head. thank you also to the other anonymous comments. I'm so scared to tell him. he is going to just expect me to have an abortion and i dont know if i can do it. I wish you guys lived near me so I could have support close to me. I really feel alone here...
We may not be phyisically near you but we are closer to you than physically- in that we are available to be spoken to anytime. ou can always post on here knowing that we are here for you. Always remember that.
You are not alone. We may not know you but we like you and understand you. We'll do all we can to help you.
SA
Your not alone here. Even though most of us are anon, we are still real live kicking people!
Do what you're heart says. Might not be a bad idea to ask your Dr about the abortion and what is the medical issue that might happen since you have had two already.
I had two abortions (yes married man but I am also married) and my body did well. Just a thought!
Good luck in your decision!
L
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