Taco Bell

I went to a dept store after work yesterday with the MM to get keurig coffee for our Keurig he bought us.  I missed the entrance and had to park in the Taco Bell lot. I walked thru snow and through the parking lot as he was calling out to me "where the hell did you go???"

We walked around  the store and pointed out all this stuff we would have wanted to buy together if we lived together. In one aisle he kissed me a few times and looked at me with this look that made me feel sad. I told him this, "it makes me so sad for you that you wear your stress on your face. and theres this look you give me that shows all your worries subside and youre so in love with me. and Im the only one that gets to see that face. im the only one that gets to see you so happy and blissful." he nodded in agreement and said "youre right. it IS sad. Im just not happy"

I know how he feels about me in the way he kisses me, touches me, looks at me, and how when we are in a store together he just wants to buy me whatever I want. Makes me feel good. ya know, and sad.

So he drove me to my car and we sat in the car and kissed. It was so amazing. He held my face in his hands and kissed me softly, passionately, and with emotions from deep within. We kissed and kissed for a long time. I LOVE kissing him like that. The sad part was, he would kiss me a few times, then sigh. then kiss, then sigh... I could feel all his sadness in those sighs, and all his love for me in his kisses. I brought it up to talk to him about it and he said he IS sad because he wants to be with me so badly but he feels stuck. I know he loves his kids too. At least he will be talking to his therapist tomorrow about it. I spotted another couple two cars down doing exactly what we were doing! I said "is taco bell the hot spot for secret love affairs??" I wonder if they were in the same situation as us. I think so. Then we found a satellite radio station we both liked. channel 3! "love" smooth operator was playing. then the next song came on and I wish I could remember what it was, but he was singing the words to me. He has one of those voices that you want him to sing a little softer than the voice on the radio because its of the greatest but its cute, ya know? As he sang and looked at me the way he does as he's in love, it made me start to cry. My mind was thinking about all the places I want to travel with him and all the things I want to experience with him. The apartment we talked about having and how we would decorate it. My emotions were so mixed. In love, feeling sorry for myself, feeling sorry for him, hopeless and hopeful at the same time. UGH! I'm SO SO SO in love with him!! He asked me why i was crying and I told him. He responded with " I really need to figure this out because every day I fall more and more in love with you. And I'm just not happy without you."
UGH!
Meanwhile my sexy latino is coming to see me this week. The last time he was here, I was thinking about MM and had no feelings towards him. It's bad. I cant have feelings for more than one guy at a time. Now I am meeting a bunch of women online and I plan on having one of them in the mix! I will continue to have fun and play the field until the love of my life makes a commitment. I think he will but no, i wont wait forever.
tune unto my other blog for the update on the women.