i am actually sick to my stomach thinking about how much pain he is in right now. I feel so bad for him. Wishing he could rewind time. oh its so horrible. he called me crying hysterically. I mean i'm not doing this to hurt him. the crying to me wont make me take it back ya know? but i guess his pain is so great and im too compassionate. but that compassion got me into this mess right? i felt sorry for the unhappy married guy. i gave him everything i had! and the thing is... the reason we didnt use condoms was because when we made love because that IS what we did, it was like we were a couple. its not like he was using me on the side. men like that always use a condom. this was spontaneous i need to be closer to you love making. And i loved every minute of it. I miss it. I miss him. it will never be the same. now i will be pregnant and cant have anyone for a long time. i can handle it though. love is selfless and all i care about right now is keeping the baby safe and healthy. he thinks i dont care about him but i do. i love him. even through all the torment he has thrown onto me. and he even tried to tell me he never loved me. i was only a friend with benefits. Lie. Everything out of his mouth is lies. His eyes are always truthful though. He cant hide his love for me.
oh well. we will never know what the future holds. i never expected to actually be pregnant again after all this. I was in complete shock.
sometimes i fantasize about moving to France and raising the baby there. I wish I could. But i dont speak french really. And i wouldnt be able to work unless i found an american company. whatever. Im emotionally exhausted. Too much drama for a day. too much heartache. and I still love the stupid son of a bitch. what an idiot i am.
and how do you guys know who he is? i couldnt believe that! it was so funny i couldnt stop laughing. And those comments you all said especially the readers i didnt even know i had, thank you SO MUCH! it makes me feel that much stronger to have your support. I will have to invite you all to the baby shower! start saving your money for airfare!
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About Me
- whaatamithinking
- In a nutshell... I am hopelessly in love with a married man. I'd do anything and everything to be with him. I DONT hate my job anymore! Still hate the people I work with. They are selfish, competitive, and backstabbers. I have a 15 year old daughter who has more drama than me. I have to keep it together at work and home but sometimes I just can't hold in the cry. This is why I get crazy thoughts in my head every day... Like I just wanna stand up and scream!!! I have 4 jobs and work very very hard for my money and I WILL be successful because I am determined.
5 comments:
after thinking about it and talking to my sister she said stay strong and worry about the baby. i my have to take him to court so i have to watch everything i do and say. not a time to feel sorry for him. okay. stay strong.
Yes, stay strong and take care of yourself, which means you will be taking care of the baby at the same time. And don't feel sorry for him. Don't even think about him. Move forward and think about the life you and your baby will have.
Good luck.
FD
take care lovely we are waiting to hear more good news from you. I feel as though something really good is coming around the corner for you.
sa
u deserve the world! post whenever you feel like it, we are here for you
I am so sad. I miss my friend so much. I hate that we don't even speak anymore. :( he said nothing all day and I'm heartbroken over it.
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