he is spiteful

Well I never got an answer about his medical history. He is a complete child. A spiteful, immature child.
Yesterday a new client of his called my direct line to say this, "listen, sweetie, I need you to give mr. ------ a message for me. Please tell him if he doesn't stop harassing about bonds I'm not interested in, I'm gonna call the NYSE" "wait, he's actually harassing you? Is he sending you stuff? Or emailing?" "He calls me three and four times a day and mails me bond offerings I'm not interested in! Now I don't know how old he is but he needs to GROW UP! Never in my 40 years of investing have I ever come across someone like him! Now I want him to stop." "Ok ill tell him" "tell him I'm calling the NYSE on him if he doesn't. Its harassment" "ok no problem! Will do!" "I mean, my son would be interested in the bonds he is offering but I would never refer him because he harasses people!"
Hmmm.... Sound familiar? Harassment, immature...
So I sent him an email with her message and an hour later he sends a request to management that I be denied access to all his accounts. Really? So that was my fault too? He is a spiteful child. Wow. He makes me sick.
Really.

he never ceases to amaze me with his immaturity

So I spoke to the genetic counsellor today. She said the amniotic fluid test is 99.9% positive for the downs syndrome test. So I'll be taking that test on june 9th when I find out the sex of the baby. Its ok either way. Children with downs syndrome are the sweetest kids around. My only worry is that the douchebag will definitely not want anything to do with the kid. And he'll say "see!! I told you to abort!" But I don't know anything yet anyway. So no use worrying about tomorrow right?
But yesterday I emailed him this: I know you have no interest in talking to me but please answer this question. Its important and time sensative. Does anyone in your family including cousins etc, have downs syndrome? Maybe one day you can grow up and give me your medical family history since every time the dr's ask me I have to say "I don't know. He refuses to speak to me" but please answer this question its important.
You know that mither fucker didn't answer? So I sent another email at 930pm saying quite a bit more and telling him how I felt about how it really upsets me that he blames me for EVERYTHING and refuses to take any responsibility and has hurt me more than he knows, and rejected me, tormented me, and has completely abandoned me etc. Again I asked for an answer to my question and what does he say?? NOTHING!! NO RESPONSE! What a child! A loser! A fuckin asshole pathetic excuse for a man! I guess this is his way of proving he wants nothing to do with the baby! WHATEVER! FUCK HIM!
I'm really ready for someone to send his wife all the shit I wrote and he wrote to me. I hate him.

new worries

So the douche bag is right in the same building as me and I can't even talk to him about my disturbing news from the doctor. I spoke to the genetic counselor this morning who said my baby may have downs syndrome. Should be 1 in 400, but this is 1 in 5 chance. Everyone said "don't worry about that they tell that to everyone! And then their babies are fine!" But then I went to see my gynecologist and he said he was very concerned about it based on the numbers. He said don't worry about the 1 in 5 bc some patient was told 1 in 2 chance of having an unhealthy baby but her baby was perfectly normal. But he was more concerned based on the numbers. He asked if it runs in my family at all and if it runs in his. I said no. And as for him I don't think so. I'm gonna have to ask the asshole but he doesn't talk to me.
So my choices are: do I take the amniotic fluid test to get an answer that is only 85% true? Or do I just wait it out? Even if they say yes, I would never kill my baby.
It makes me sad though that he has completely abandoned me and I can't even go to him about this. The burden is all on me. But I did know that once he said he didn't wanna be involved.
Also I asked my dr about the whole due date and conception date. He said the conception date is still the same, he goes by the first day of the period and not to worry about all that. And also, judging by the fact that he was 45 at conception and is jewish he thinks that's also why my numbers are what they are. So I just have a new problem to worry about. I will text him and ask him if downs syndrome runs in his family anywhere nd I'll let you know.
(Sigh) never ends...

heart-broken

I can't get that stupid text out of my head. The one he sent saturday night that I "singlehandely managed to destroy his life." Not only do I feel guilt that I shouldn't, but I really loved him and still do. And all I wanted to do was be with him with all his baggage and take care of him. I was crazy about him. And he was crazy about me. I still worry about him and feel bad for him and I get depressed over it. I know I shouldn't but what if there is a chance the baby isn't even his? What if it really was that idiots? Then I couldn't live with myself. I'm a little nervous about that. Imagine I destroyed his life on somethin not even true? Although it IS true he slept with me. And that truth came out. Good! Fuck him. But ugh... I think too much I guess. And I think too much about HIM. It sucks. And what makes this worse is he is not moving to the other olocation til next monday. Which will also make me very sad to not see him. I just really miss working for him. I did so much for him and I actually enjoyed it. Now I sit and stare at the wall. And blog! I just really really miss him and our elationship. Now he just hates me! Its heart breaking.
Anyway thanks for the responses before. Much appreciated. :)

he gets more hateful by the day

9:30pm saturday night I get this text from him:
You have single handedly managed to destroy my life

Ok. 1. HIS fault for turning to anger nd hatred instead of being supportive and try to work this out peacefully. Also his fault if he ruined HIS life. I had 3 years to go until I could do anything I wanted to in life. Nothing holding me back. Now I have to start ALL over while I continue to struggle.
2. I did nothing on purpose and never in a million years wanted to hurt him or "destroy" him
3. Single handedly? That implies that this was all me and I did everything myself. He didn't have sex with me? Without a condom?
4. Something must have happened tonight. Or this weekend. I wonder what it was. And if his wife was so supportive, would his life be destroyed? Probably not.

Meanwhile I pulled my back out and I am not only in the most pain I've ever felt, but I am completely imobilized. I can't turn over, I cannot lean forward, sideways, up or down. I scream in pain if I try to roll over in bed or get out of bed. I need a bed of ice for my back. Its the only relief I get. And guess what. Can't take any pain killers!

And this precious little baby lives inside me in peace. I pray he changes when he sees this baby. Especially if its his son. Does anyone agree that if he has a son it may change him? He has 2 girls. But a son to a father I think is a big deal. And more so in the jewish religion. Maybe this precious gift will be the only thing that could desipate his anger and hatred.

he's finally moving to the other branch!

I was told by my boss that he's moving to the other branch. I won't see him anymore. I'm relieved but also so sad that we won't see each other anymore. I went in to give him some stuff of his and to say goodbye and he wouldn't even look at me. I said I just wanted to say goodbye since I won't ever see you again. (Well, when the baby's born and I take him to court I will) and he wouldn't say a word. I said so that's it? You can't even look at me? He said no actually I can't. So I said I just wanted to say goodbye so have a nice life then. And walked out crying. It amazes me he treats me like the villain. What exactly did I do that was worth his hatred? I didn't give into his bullying and manipulation? So now I'm the bad guy. I'm the one who deserves more abuse. Ok.
Then my boss is telling me how if she hears I told anyone its his I'll get fired for slander! Um... No. Slander is false accusations to try and ruin someones reputation. Never did that! And its the truth! All the other people who are going around telling everyone? That's slander because I never said it to anyone! The ones who are talking? Did they ask me? NO! Therefor they are going on rumors and hearsay. I'm going to a lawyer about this bullshit. I'm tired of it.

This is spreading like wildfire

I'm surprised you all read the last post but no one commented. So you'll never guess what happened today. I am friends with someone who is a bond trader at another firm. He emails me today and says "do you work with so-and-so?" (Sperm donor) and I say yes why? What's up? Then I text and tell him to keep it private to the text messages. So I ask why did you ask? He responds with, "I heard he knocked up his assistant and she's keeping it" I was shocked. "How the HELL did you hear that??" I asked him. He said "one of the guys here used to work with him, and someone over there told him." Well apparently this is spreading like wildfire. Everyone in this business knows everyone! Won't be long til this somehow spreads to his town and his wife and his kids. Now I certainly don't want his kids to find out like that. That's tragic! But I WOULD like his wife to find out the truth that he was indeed in love with me and how he really felt nd how this is the third pregnancy. Not some oops job one time! He's such a liar and she should know the supposed truth he told her was just more lies. And if she believes him she's a fuckin moron.
I told my friend the news is true and its ME! He was really sweet about it and he was upset I didn't tell him. I told him I didn't get to tell anyone! That its spreading so fast its ruining for me to tell anyone!
Again, I really couldn't care less about people saying if I'm the pathetic one or a homewrecker or a whore or a bad person etc. I just care that HE cares so much that he will be devastated and he will take it all out on me!!! His world will crumble bc he is nothing but a liar. He'll ty to cover up his lies with more lies and eventually it doesn't work anymore.
What a loser...

The baby pic!

How amazingly cute is this baby??? its 3 inches long and absolutely perfect. The Dr kept going on and on telling me how the baby couldn't be more perfect and how beautiful it is.  I have some more pictures but I didn't want to put them all up. His/her left arm was up by the head and the right hand was by the mouth. The baby kept moving and clenching its hands and kicking up a storm. I brought my daughter and she was so excited. She loved seeing a human life inside me. We could see the baby swallowing and the heart beating. It's just a precious and perfect little gift from God. I'm in love.

To hell with the phony selfish coward.  MM has been given a new name from me. Sperm Donor. He's not a father and hes not my anything anymore. Hes like a ghost at work. We pass each other in the hall and pretend the other isnt there. Like a ghost. Its so sad! I wonder if he is sad at all. He claims he loved me but he doesnt act like it. He is the most selfish person I've ever met

oops! Did i post his picture???

this one makes me sad because this pic sums up our relationship. I adored him. 

. Yesterday was sperm donor's birthday. I sent him a text "happy birthday" and he didnt respond. Read the comments from my last post to see the last thing he sent me. Then he takes his wifes card and his daughters cards and displays them on his desk at work like he has the perfect family. And his wifes card had all this stuff written in it like how she loves his snoring etc etc. What a joke. It really hurt a lot. Hes been in love with me and writes me books in cards but now you wanna pretend your "working on your relationship" i guess? And he ignores me and the baby. Well not only did I display in a frame, the picture of my baby, but i sent him to his phone,  the same picture i just posted of the baby. No response of course but he's not gonna ignore it. FUCK HIM! I SO WISH someone would just send his wife all the cards he wrote me and the blogs i wrote about details of our relationship! How he told me he wanted to be with me but he couldnt and how unhappy he is and how she would call him and hed be naked with me while he lies through his teeth about being at the gym! And how he told me how he wanted to have a trial separation from her. God, I hate him! I hate him for lying to her and to me and for loving me and fucking denying it! Talk about the ultimate rejection! I mean its one thing to dump me but to completely deny you ever truly loved me just really hurts.

Everyone at work knows now. EVERYONE knows I'm pregnant and with him! Gossip gossip gossip. People cant get enough of our real life soap opera. I couldnt care less who knows and what they think of me. He, on the other hand, does. And I dont think anyone has confronted him yet. My 2 friends who are actually friends told me people were talkin about me. It ruins the fun of telling people I'm pregnant. But they all put 2 and 2 together! He has been so horrible to me and turned us into enemies they figure it out in 2 seconds! "OOOH!!!! No WONDER you 2 were fighting so badly! THAT'S what was going on! It all makes complete sense now!" I mean, people aren't stupid.

Regardless of the drama, my baby is perfect and precious and a gift from God. I have gone through hell to protect it and give it life. I knew from day one it was special when I prayed and asked God about it. God made this baby with a purpose, a name, and love and joy to spread. People are in love with the baby and it's just a tiny thing still! The ultrasound pics made so many people cry! I'm excited. We all know this will be very tough but I can handle it. I'm in love with someone new. Baby "Noah"

monday morning

Well he's still here. I have no clue why. We all expected him to be gone. No one knows what's going on. I passed him in the hallway as he walked in. We looked right at each other and I just turned the other way and headed down the hall. Awkward. And sad. He looked so cute too. Its depressing. And weird to not speak to each other. His sister called in today for tax info on her accounts which are no longer under his rep. I told her that he and I no longer work together or speak to each other. Omg I wanted so badly to tell her WHY!!! I wish someone would just tell her and his wife the fuckin TRUTH! I cleaned out an old desk saturday to put up a new one and in the drawer was this book I made of everything he gave me, wrote me, and excerpts from my blog. Along with pictures and poems and souvenirs from the few places we went together. I never finished it. I think I will though so I can have completion. And I'll put the copies of texts and the ultrasound photos in it. I hope I can use it as evidence one day in the event I need to. This book is what his wife should see.
Anyway that's all I have to report. I will post updates as I get them.

I feel like I've left you all in limbo for a week but there is no update to share. The last I heard and was able to piece together about whether he will be working here or not has been at a stand still.
For the last week, we have not been working together. Its been really difficult for me to see his phone ring and not be allowed to answer it, or start to do the many weekly and daily tasks I did for him and have to stop myself. But the worst is listening to the girl next to me talk to all his clients and be overly friendly to them. I miss the clients too. Its really sad and I'm very depressed. Not to mention, I just miss him in general. Even though I know he's been an asshole and still is, I loved him and still love him. Unfortunately it was more than just loving someone, it was all day at work too. Its not like I could just break up with someone and forget about them. I have to have it shoved in my face daily.
As far as his destiny goes, what I found out so far was that he was supposed to be transferred to another branch which would make my life so much easier. But then I found out through "secret sources" that the paperwork was put on hold, the head boss here went into a closed door meeting with the president of the company and the H.R. Attorney. Apparently the attorney is only called in for serious issues. After that we've heard nothing. Our boss was in a different branch and called him wed afternoon said he needed to speak to him. Then he went on a business trip yesterday and today. And that was it. I haven't heard anything and I have no idea what's going on. Its very frustrating. So I will keep you posted when I find anything out. Which probably won't be til monday.
Wednesday is my ultra sound. My daughter is coming with me. She's all excited to see the baby. She's been really stressed out about everything along with her idiot alcoholic father and I told her when the baby comes, he (cuz I think its a boy) will make you so happy! You could be so sad or stressed and that adorable little face and baby smell will make you so happy! She smiled and said "I can't wait 6 more months!"
So that's all for now... Have a great weekend everyone. I will comment on all the posts I have read this weekend. I can't post any comments from my phone. It sucks!
Until monday...