Here i sit crying with my heart in my throat... he asked me to do those fuckin labels for him again. I had to sit and print them out as i tried to get the image of that picture out of my head. I was angry, sad, hurt, and disgusted. He waited until after 5 to ask me to do that and while in HIS mind he was being sensitive to me about it, I was trying not to cry. He was supposed to come over today and didn't because we got in a fight over this. I just didn't want to see him. I told him "go home to your wife." And tomorrow is Hanukkah. I will have barely any contact with him. He has ignored me the past two hours as I tried to explain over texting why the cards make me so upset. I just copied and pasted the blog called "the holiday cards" and then the one called "french toast and salad" And as if I was the horrible one here... I get no response. He won't even look at his phone.
What did I do here exactly? Get upset because I am completely in love with someone who has a wife? And feels the NEED to send a card out with a picture of them together? SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE UPSET ABOUT THAT! I can have feelings! He cant control them! I cant even control them! They are what they are! And they are strong!
And now I am sitting here crying because my my heart is torn. Tonight was supposed to be our time together and he had to go asking me for fuckin labels! The last time we were together was the blog "the best sex with muffin man... ever" That's the last time. Two weeks ago! I wanted another special time and I've waited a long time now...and it's ruined. I feel sick.
I hate this.
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2 comments:
Why the hell does he send pictures of his family to clients? Don't most people send business cards to business contacts and personal family cards to friends and relatives? That is so insensitive of him to make you do that!!! Men are just so different from women. We want and need affection/validation more than they do I think. I don't see how you work with him everyday. Doesn't that just make a complicated situation even more complicated? You're just going to have to accept all that he CAN give you at this point and not push so hard. Otherwise you make it easier for him to stay where he is. Having kids changes things substantially anyway. If you think he's worth it, you're going to have to be patient (I know that's hard). He's, most likely, letting his innocent children dictate his decisions.
thats exactly what he is doing! its all about them. and i told him when you push me away, i feel rejected. when you show me you love me, I have patience. but sometimes i think i am in a fantasy world. the reality is, he will never leave her and I am walking out of this heart broken. just not yet.
i work with him because i HAVE TO!
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