i wonder what we look like from the outside

So it was Thursday. 4:30ish i think. i work until 5 but i had had it. I was done with the non-stop busy day of hectic work with these financial advisers.  i went in to my safe haven.  muffin man's office.  going in there is an escape. the harsh atmosphere disappears when i go in there.  and he is so sweet, so  loving, compassionate, funny, understanding, entertaining...

i decided i was done working and i wanted to spend some time with my best friend and the man i am so completely in love with. I sat in one of the chairs i sit in when i go in there and just breathed in his smell and the peace I find in his office. inhale peace, exhale stress. after a short while in there, one of my favorite brokers came in. he joined our conversation and inevitably turned it into a sexual content.  he has told me that he thinks muffin man and i are sleeping together and have a relationship but he isn't sure.  i neither admit nor deny this.  he showed us a video of some amateur porn pictures of young girls. they were ok, but nothing that got us really hot. not the point of this story though.

the point is... when i walked over and stood looking over mm's shoulder as he scanned through the pictures, our other friend stood and watched us.  then he said, "wow. i totally see it! you two make such a good couple." we smiled, and i think mm asked why.  i cant remember exactly what his response was but this is not the first time he has said it to us.

i often wonder what we must look like from the outside.  i know when i am with mm i can feel the chemistry between us like fire! and i can see his love for me pour out of his eyes. we flirt, joke, defend each other, laugh every day, fight, etc.  it has to be obvious to everyone else around us but the best part about that is they dont care.  they find interest in it, but they really dont care. in fact, i hear many comments that people would like to see us end up together. so do i.    )-`: so sad.

and that night we didnt leave the office until after 6. we walked out together talking. i got annoyed at him about something, stormed off to my car and said "see ya!" and before i could drive away, he pulled up next to me. we talked... and the last words out his mouth were: i love you.  this is such a huge step for him. i was shocked.  he just got comfortable texting it.  to say it to my face is a whole other level. i replied: WOW! I love you too! though i REEEEALLY, REEEEALLY love you!"  and he said, "I'm not ready to say the really really's yet but..." i laughed. we drove home and the entire way home i had butterflies. I was in another world.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO in love with this man! SOOOOOOOO in love! I'm just the verbal one in the relationship. and the fact he said that to me is HUGE. i feel so happy though. I've been having such a hard time with work and my past and my anxiety... it amazes me that this man can make me happy through all of this.

He's there for me in good times and in bad...

when he puts walls up, he sees me suffering and puts them back down. he loves me so much. i need to be with him.  and i will frickin wait as long as i can for him. or until i cant wait any longer and say bye-bye.