confession. and a thank u to complicated kitten

I have to confess something. Almost daily I have to ask myself, "how much do I love him? Enough to put up with this? Should I move on? Should I see someone else? How much patience do I have? Should I wait? Do I reeeally want him?" I think about it probably every day. And I have doubts. He'll never be with me. But maybe he will! But what if he eventually bores me? What if he doesn't satisfy me? What if I get sick? Will he pray for me? No. Can I be with someone like that? What if I was sick? Would he take care of me? Yes. But does he love me enough? I don't think so. A man moves mountains to be with the one he loves. He truly loves the one he knows he's meant to be with. He doesn't do this for me. He loves me a lot. But not enough. Yet. Is it yet? Wil he? Would he act on his love if I left him? I have no clue. Would he still love me with all my problems? Probably. Would we fight a lot? Probably. And if I could be with him, how long would it last? Would he always stimulate me? Intellectually? Emotionally? Sexually?

Would he satisfy my desires? I can picture him enjoying all the things I want to do. We would have so much fun exploring life... Like other countries, ideas, restaurants, simple things in life, trying new things sexually.

I think about all these things. And good news. Thanks to complicated kittens amazingly hot blog "spanked fucked and satisfied" I had something to send him to read. I've been telling him, I like this! I want you to be like this! But I had a story to show him now. And my god, he delivers when challenged. I think my favorite part about our sex today was when he straddled me, held my hands down, ordered me to suck his hard cock and if he felt my teeth, I'd be punished. :) holy shit! So excited that I was punished. Got spanked for it! And I was dripping wet. And he made me beg for him to fuck me. I loooved it. And the best part is, its all done in love. Its still making love, no matter how kinky or d/s it is.

Later on, after he had cum the first time... I showed him some more blogs that turn me on. He read some out loud as I happily sucked him and jerked him off. It turned me on to do that for him while he was enjoying other stories. Wanna know how much I love him? I thought about that he may have even been picturing being with the girls he was reading about and I didn't even care! It turned me on to fulfill his fantasies! Never in my life have I ever loved anyone that much. I know he loves porn, and I would do that for him if he was watchin it! I don't feel threatened because I know how he feels about me. I can't believe my love is actually that strong for him.

So my worries questions and doubts about if I'd be satisfied sexually? Definitely. He rises to any challenge, fulfills my desires, and is open to anything. Not only because he enjoys it, but I think its because he really loves me. He likes to make me happy.

Any challenge I give him, he accepts and passes. I think my patience will bring me a reward in him. I think. But then I doubt. All I know right now is he truly makes me happy, even though its painful. Still not sure where this will go. I do know he does everything he can to satisfy me. In every sense. Sometimes I act like a spoiled brat, and he knows me. He is patient and kind and always knows how to make me happy. No one can sit there and tell me he doesn't love me!! So please don't try.